Part 7: In which we finally get to the LP title

Chapter 7 - In which we finally get to the LP title




Lego Bible - LP Edition



There are so many horrible ways to interpret that.



Anyway I decide to ignore her advice because I know that Reno is probably somewhere far away by now laughing about this, so I go back. First let's visit the church again.



We see some kids who visit the church.





And Cloud NOT being an asshole to them. This is a somewhat relevant development.



Back to this screen, we're now gonna check what's on the south.



Holy crap, the EXIT. WE ARE FREEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

Some things to keep note of - We're still more or less underneath a reactor, which is by all means near the city border. This is probably where the sun light comes from, although it's still a huge artistic license.



We try to go out and fail miserably. The door won't open. It's like playing Yoda Stories all over again.

I always found that "07" on the door a little weird since we're not in Sector 7.



Back to actually following the storyline.

This music plays in this area, and it's also one of my favorites. It's pretty dark and fits the theme well.



A little further ahead we have a Save Point and go for it.



I love all the little junk assets. I wanted to make sure you knew that.



It's possible to grind in this area.



It's a bit risky though. There are enemies here called Vice who can steal your items and run away. I didn't run into them, but we'll meet them later.

We go north so we can actually get into the Sector 5 slums.



There we go

But first, there's something we must do...



Maybe you should give the guy some privacy. Here let me handle this.




THREAD TITLE REACHED

This is the most famous engrish in the game, a superb translation really.



Welp that is sad. I wonder why is there such huge script dialogue about some random sick guy.









This is the point where people in GameFAQs complain that you could use Cure, Antidote or any other game mechanic on him.



Well that sure is creepy. I wonder what all this was about?



That's great customer service lady, thanks for the stare.



We buy a [Fire] Materia to make sure we have some variety. We've seen enemies weak to Lightning and Ice already which were spells we had. Now that we have access to Fire, logic dictates we might face enemies weak to Fire too.

Also god damn everything is expensive, look at our Gil going down.



Why do you sell Materia in the slums anyway? It's like selling a high-end video card, no one there is going to buy.



Maybe Materia is not really all that legal or easy-to-find in the upper plate so the wealthy people go down to the slums to buy dat shit.



Everything? Cloud wants himself some whores. I doubt a place called Wall Market in a game for kids is gonna feature that, so fuck you random NPC.



Yeah yeah whatever.



We're gonna visit every place ever in this LP. It's gonna be the longest LP in history if I don't give up due to ADD.



Look at that old kung-fu dude in the poster. Just look at him. Someone had to draw him.

Also, S.I.N.TV. So apparently SIN is the name of the TV channel or news channel. Any of the jap-goons knows what SIN stands for? Shinra International News?



Cloud wholeheartedly agrees with you man.



That's damn true.



One of the things that bother me in this game is that there's no way to know what you can interact with and what you can't. In FF9 a little (!) pops up when you're close to something you can interact with.



There are hundreds of posters and letters on the walls, but you happen to be able to interact with this one.

Well let's see. "Turtle Paradise News".





This is the worst ad ever. WHERE IS Turtle's Paradise? And why is this hanging on a poor kid's Bedroom? I dunno, maybe he dreams with the day he'll visit that place.

I don't like you and your capitalistic dreams young kid, your brother and his upper plate envy are corrupting you. Let's us teach this poor kid in the slums a lesson in humility by stealing all of his crap.





Turns out he has nothing. Our plan is foiled.



Or is it?







Oh cmon, screw you. That can't even pay our grenades.

We leave the damn kid's house. He's never gonna afford a meal at Turtle's Paradise and we don't need to punish him for it anymore than life already does.

We move to the northeast since we still haven't found Aeris' house.



Holy shit.

Ok seriously, I have some questions:

1) Where is that river and mountain side coming from/going to?
2) There's a WATERFALL in the background.
3) This is not anywhere in the city borders, where is this light coming from? On second though, that does look like spotlights so maybe it's all power bills again.
4) Didn't Aeris say flowers only grew in that spot?
5) How is that water so clean?

There's really no explanation so we do the only logical thing which is save and steal that pink stuff on the ground.



A pink materia. Let's take a look.



Materia of this color are called [Independent] Materia. As the name imply, they can't really combine with anything else.

Our first Materia is Cover.

When you put Cover on a character, that character will randomly jump in front of the allies to take physical damage in their place. The chance increases with Materia level - 20/40/60/80/100%.

I think the intention here is obvious - Aeris is this chick with low level and low HP. She starts in the Back-Row. So they give us Cover for Cloud to defend Aeris in battle.

Unfortunately I have zero intention of protecting Aeris from damage. Her Limit is way too good and we want to level it up, she's way too much of a badass for us to spare. I'll explain more about it in today's B&B. For now what you must know is that we're putting Cover on Aeris.







Every mother in this game dresses the same.





Look this is all cool but it's too early for me to meet your parents.



No, Tifa is a big Corelian-Midgarian stud with a gun in place of his arm. Of course it's a girl.



Oh, snap.

Quickly, this is my chance to pretend I actually get laid!





You can almost hear the disappointment in Aeris' voice. Bad translation or not, this is a great script.







Yeah Cloud, it's not like she isn't a dangerous terrorist like you who's being pursued by the Mafia division of the mega-corporation that owns the world.



Yeah Cloud that time you fell down to your death and was saved by her totally didn't count OMG YOU SO SEXIST.

Did you know Elizabeth II served as a mechanic during World War II, against her parents' wishes?



He means you have a pussay, he has a deekay, and that is the setup for a bad Rammstein song.



No Mr.Bond I expect you to diiiiee.



In Brazil people live with their parents until they're off to marry, much like in India. There are exceptions, of course, but this is the rule. This is because renting is too expensive here. There's a lot of reasons for that, but I'd need an entire update to talk about it.

Well that's it for now, until next update.


Chapter 7 - Bugs & Bytes

Cover Overflow

Here's something neat. As I explained, Cover goes from 20 to 100%, but it stacks with other Cover materias too. Of course, going past 100% doesn't mean anything until you get to 255%. Then an overflow occurs and it goes back to 0 again.

In practice no one would ever do that.

Cover Elixir

There's a bug that will make a character cover an Elixir - a restorative item, like potions. That's right, you'll drop the Elixir in one of your buddies in need and the asshole with the cover materia will jump in front of him to steal it.


Cool Music we Listened to in this Update:

Underneath the Rotting Pizza - A great theme for the slums. It really shows in my opinion how fitting the FF7 OST is to the game.